Cylithria aka Cy1i7|-|ri4

“huh?”

I walked the cruise ship for a long time. Ranting and raving about anything and everything; all in my mind. At first I felt justified in my sudden, odd outburst. But as I sat down on a deck chair and began to still my soul I realized I had been way out of line.

That really pissed me off. It also cleared the self-righteous snot out of my head and allowed me to begin thinking more clearly.

I sat there for a long time. When it began getting dark, I realized I couldn’t sit on a deck chair for eight days wondering why I’d acted like my mother. At some point I’d have to face David again. Worse than that, I’d have to face myself.  I didn’t know which was worse.

“I’ve never seen anyone sit and stare at one object for three hours without blinking.” David’s smooth voice floated softly from behind me.

Snapping my head around, I spotted him immediately. He stood against the bulkhead, hands in his khaki pockets.

“What?”

David smiled his lopsided grin as he nodded at the deck railing. “You’ve been staring at that life preserver for over three hours. You never blinked. Not once.”

I looked back towards the life preserver. Had I even noticed it until now? I was positive I hadn’t and began to shake my head no. David stepped forward and sat in the deck chair beside me.

“Grey warned me that when you go into deep thought, you will find something in your line of site and focus on it to the point that nothing exists but you and your thoughts.” David began to explain. “He told me you wouldn’t even blink. I didn’t believe him until now.” David chuckled and shook his head.

For a split second I was confused and defensive. But I knew Grey didn’t lie and while I might not have realized I did that, if he told David I did, then I did. Not knowing what to say, I looked at the life preserver and shrugged my shoulders. I was so surprised that Grey would share something so personal with David that for a second David’s actual presence didn’t register in my mind.

“Hey…” I cried. “You’ve been here the whole time watching me?”

David nodded sheepishly. “I was worried about you.”

I eyed him suspiciously. It was odd to have someone worry about where I was or what I was doing.

“I did not mean to upset you Cyli.”

Instantly my suspicion of David faded. “You didn’t. Not really.”

Turning to face him I did the only thing I knew to do, bite the bullet and face it head on. “I think I upset myself and it really didn’t have much to do with you David.”

David started to speak but the words never made it out. I shifted, trying to explain. “My brain is trying to kill me okay? I’m sorry.”

David blinked.

I struggled to explain more. “Look, I don’t know what I am doing, and I don’t have a manual to look all this up in.” I said as I waved my hand about. “And I’m not stupid. I know what honeymoons are about,”

“Wait, Cylithria is that why you think we’re…”

“David, just listen, okay?” I interrupted him. “I’m not just talking sex, so no, I don’t think you brought me here just for that. I’m a bit young but not stupid.”

“I never said you were stupid.”

I sighed. David nodded once and acted like he was locking his mouth shut with a key. “As I was saying, I know that honeymoons are supposed to be this whole…” again I waved my hands around, “special time for a husband and wife to really spend with each other. But truthfully David – beats the snot licking platypus out of me if I know how that’s supposed to happen. So I seen you were going to sleep on couch and I guess I thought…”

“Snot licking platypus???”

“I thought I’d already messed up okay!” I shouted.

For a few seconds we just stared at one another.  David took a deep breath, clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on his knees.  “How did you think you messed up?” he asked.

I shook my head, realizing how stupid it sounded. “I didn’t know. I don’t even think I thought it consciously. It was,” I shrugged, “Some weird gut instinct?”

I threw my hands into the air, “Hell I don’t know. Obviously I wasn’t thinking. And that is my point. I don’t know what I’m doing so I’m gonna do it wrong!”

“Cyli Woman, being married isn’t something you do, it’s something you are.”

Poised to argue with whatever David was going to say, my mouth was already open when his words hit my brain. “HUH?” I blinked, sat back and stared at David and kept rolling his words through my mind. “Say that again?”

“Being married isn’t something you do Cyli. Being married is something you are, or are not.” He slowly reiterated.

Slowly I felt my left eyebrow rise. “Damn, that’s brilliant.” I said with awe.  I sat back further on my deck chair and glanced out to the sea.

“I can tell you’re going to try and argue my point. Please don’t. Yes, people do things in marriage, but you don’t just “do” marriage itself. You are married while you’re doing things okay? So please don’t feel like you have to “do” anything.” He quietly stated.

I looked at David and smiled. “You just channeled your mother. That was good.”

David rolled his eyes.

“That actually makes sense – almost.” I concurred. “I mean technically, I could probably tear that logic apart given enough time, but that’s a good one. Wow.”

All of a sudden my brain kicked in again. “Of course I don’t know how to be married either….hmmm”

“Mother Mary, Jesus Christ” David groaned. “Woman, you can drive anyone crazy. Look,” he reached for, and grabbed my hands. “You be you and I’ll be me and together we’ll be married.”

Again his common sense and the strength of the knowledge fueling it; impressed me. “Whoaa” I uttered as his words sunk in.

David’s head dropped as his thumbs rubbed the back of my hands. I rolled around his words until I found myself nodding my head in agreement.

“I can do that David.” I admitted quickly.

He glanced above the rim of his glasses at me. “Do what?” he asked hesitantly.

“Be me!”

All at once David started to laugh. At first it rolled out, but then it turned thunderous as tears formed in his eyes. Now it was I who squinted skeptically at him.

Letting go of my hands in order to clutch his aching stomach muscles, he spoke and laughed at the same time, “As….if…you… could be….anyone…else!” 

For some reason, I didn’t get what he found so funny.

okay so right now I’m like WTF. I’ve been posting daily and yet poof - they do not appear. me thinks I saved them to draft instead of publishing them - damnit. so soon enough i should find them and republish them.

I have so much writing to do today and i am so tired - slept like bat guano on toast last night - so today should be filled with typos, yawns and vats of coffee

mmmmmmmmm coffee - nectar of gods.

w00t

How are you doing today?

that is the sound of me about to reach for my nyquil and cozy up with it. Sweet and Precious Dreams

well while I was off sick, I was tagged to do this meme by Not a Mean Girl - whom I truly adore….. or I did until I followed the instructions and found the pictures I must post!!! (just kidding, I do still adore you but dayam my heart dropped when I found the blasted 6th photo. As if there are THAT many photos of me anyway - it HAD to be this one????? OY VEY) whewwwwwwwww oy - sharing something so personal ……….

but anyway a tag is a tag so: 

Here are the rules:

1.Go to your documents
2. Go to your 6th file.
3.Go to your 6th picture.
4. Blog about it.
5. Tag 6 friends to do the same.

Without Further Muckamoo here is my Picture: *gulp*

Yeah, that’s me wearing what you think I’m wearing - once… a long time ago. meh.

So now I am supposed to tag others, but like after debating with myself about whether or not i should cheat and just choose what photo i wanted (cheating didn’t win….. meh……) I think I’ll just have anyone who reads do it and comment here to pass it along. 

To my sweet NAMG - I love you - you truly are wondrous and I’m glad you’re my friend Thanks lady :)