Chele's Page

POST SOUNDTRACK: Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson

When I am drunk I always get the best ideas in the world.

In the 90´s I had a thing for stealing ashtrays from night clubs. All kinds of ashtrays, I had a huge ashtray collection. One night I was going for the big steal. There was this hotel club my friends and I used to frequent and down colorful kamikazes. Nothing good ever came out of those nights.
Like the time I thought it was a very good idea to get laid in the stairs of the car park with a guy wearing crispy white hip hop clothes. Not sure how mr. crisp hip hop and little miss grease hair grunge jagged little pill managed to hook up, but hey it was the 90´s so we were both probably high.

That was sidetracking.

During my theft days I really aspired to own those long fancy shmansy ashtrays that they usually place outside clubs and hotel lifts. Nothing is cooler than a standing ashtray from an epic night out.
I tried to sneak out of the hotel hiding the big thing underneath my jacket, thinking my jacket is like Harry Potters invisible cloak. I didn't seem to care I could only cover 1/3 of the ashtray.
I approach the guard
Guard: Miss. what do you have underneath your jacket?
me: uhhmm nothing.
Guard: Miss. I can see you are carrying something under your jacket
Me: Oh this thing? *uncovers the ashtray* oh yeah I keep this with me all the time
Guard: Miss you have to put that down
me: hey, look over there *I point to some random spot before I take a run for it.*

Not only do I take a run for it but I feel it is very satisfactory to do a little raspberry, I even do the thumb to the nose thing like clowns do.
I wish I knew what my initial strategy exit plan was at this point but all I did was run, like a drunk mad woman carrying a meter long cylinder of an ashtray.
Instead of trying to run out of the hotel I somehow run back into the hotel. (WHY??)

Then of course the inevitable happens. I trip and doooooown I fall. Sand and cigarette bumps everywhere. Yeah it was the kind of ashtray filled with sand, ALLOT of sand.
What do I do? I laugh, hysterically rolling around in this 5 star hotel lobby floor.

I was sort of kicked sort of kicked out of the hotel after that. Not been back since.

The other day I had some reasonable thinking when it comes to my devious ideas when drunk. There is a pub in Bangkok called the bulls head, every city must have a bulls head. Outside the pub is indeed a bull´s head.
There is a devil inside of me that wants to steal the big fucking bulls head and replace it with something completely random. BUT this is why I will not steal the bulls head.
See I am against dead animals hanging on walls and think it is very disturbing, hear that SARAH PALIN!!!??

If I steal the bulls head, they will only replace it with another bulls head so that will make me a part of another dead bulls head hanging by a door.
I like to think I have some common sense even though trashed as hell....
still how funny wouldn't it be if I replaced the bulls head with a clown or something?

post soundtrack: Roadhouse blues by The Doors



THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS

Stage #1 -- Smart

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject. You
know all and greatly wish to express this knowledge to anyone who
will listen. At this stage you are also always right. And of course
the person you are talking with is very wrong. You will talk for
hours trying to convince someone that you are right. This makes for an
interesting argument when both parties are "smart". Two people talking,
in fact, arguing about a subject neither one really knows anything
about, but are convinced that they are they complete authority on the
subject makes for great entertainment for those get the opportunity to
listen in.


Stage #2 -- Handsome/Pretty

This is when you are convinced that you are the best looking person in
the entire room and everyone is looking at you. You begin to wink at
perfect strangers and ask them to dance because of course they had been
admiring you the whole evening. You are the center of attention, and all
eyes are directed at you because you are the most beautiful thing on the
face of the earth. Now keep in mind that you are still smart, so you can
talk to this person who has been admiring you about any and all subjects
under the sun.


Stage #3 -- Rich

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can
buy drinks for the entire bar and put it on your bill because you surely
have an armored truck full of your money parked behind the bar. You can
also make bets in this stage. Now of course you still know all, so you
will always win all your bets. And you have no concern for how much
money you bet because you have all the money in the world. You will also
begin to buy drinks for all the people in the bar who are admiring you
because you are now the smartest, prettiest, and richest person on the
face of the earth.


Stage #4 -- Bulletproof

You can now pick fights with the people you have been betting money with
because you cannot be hurt by anything. At this point you would go up to
the boyfriend of the woman who had been admiring your beautiful self
all evening and challenge him to a battle of wits for money. You have no
worry about losing this battle of wits because you know all, have all
the money to cover this bet, and you obviously win a fight that might
erupt if he looses.


Stage #5 -- Invisible

This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do
absolutely anything because no one can see you. You can get up and dance
on a table; you can strip down to your underwear, to impress the people
who have been admiring you all evening, because the rest of the people
in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person whom
you have picked a fight with earlier in the evening. You can walk through
the streets singing at the top of your lungs (because of course you are
still smart and know the tune perfectly) and no one will think anything
of it because they can't see you. All your social inhibitions are
gone. You can do anything, because no one will know.


And you certainly won't remember !

POST SOUNDTRACK: Here in my room by Incubus

I'm gonna post some pictures of my bedroom, at least parts of it.
I have nothing better to blog about today.
Besides they say the bedroom will show you a persons traits and personality.
I like seeing other peoples bedrooms, its one of those things I find fun.

I used to collect angels, like 10 years ago. It was during my try every religion phase.

On my desktop I have memories from the road and other good times.

Gotta accessorize

My friends hate my bead thingy that goes to the bathroom, I love it. Notice the tambourine

Having a moment

My beloved closet, I feel like I live in a clothing store

My ruby slipper shoes

One out of three nightstand tables I have surrounding the bed.

Need my frickin books.

I also need photos of people I love everywhere.